Cracked article on why Stormtroopers are such bad shots

[whiteandnerdy]

Spoiler: It's because they're too human.

 

Here's the article.

 

(My apologies if this belongs in a different section, but this looked like the best fit.)

[Femtrooper Julie[501st]]

I like it alot! I was expecting a joke, but that has some real depth. Good post!

[TK bondservnt[501st]]

just following orders.

[riveting]

Thats a good new slant on it

 

I always thought it was down to the inverse ninja law? :ph34r:

 

or aka the Principle of Evil marksmanship.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_Evil_Marksmanship

 

I think I prefer your idea.

[dashrazor]

good theory

trying to ride his blaster rifle like a pony ha!

[TK bondservnt[501st]]

copy from the wiki article makes the point exactly!

 

we were ordered not to him them!

""

At one point Obi-Wan Kenobi even comments on their effectiveness to Luke Skywalker when the pair find the destroyed Jawa sandcrawler, saying "These blast-points... Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise." Despite this, stormtroopers appear to be incapable of seriously harming or indeed even hitting the film's protagonists, who would later dispatch many of them without ever receiving a scratch in return (a possible explanation given for that is that the stormtroopers were under orders not to hit the protagonists [3]).""

[gh05ty]

Of course the orders were not to hit them, if they gunned them down then the tracker they had just placed on the falcon was a waste of time.... therefore the shooting was just for show to make the rebel scum feel like they escaped.

 

[Daetrin[Admin]]

Deja vu - check out this thread: <a href="http://forum.whitearmor.net/index.php?showtopic=3404" target="_blank">http://forum.whitearmor.net/index.php?showtopic=3404</a>

 

copy/paste time...

--------------------------------------

 

Below are my thoughts from the perspective of my alter ego, TK(TD)8020.

 

OK, I just have to defend our guys in black and white.

 

First off, I was there in docking bay 94. Our orders were to stop the ship. The only reason that scruffy Correlian lived was because we weren't aiming for him. If we killed him and the ship got away we'd be disobeying orders, so everyone aimed for things like the insystem flight controls to keep them from taking off, or to cripple them so they couldn't run in case they did get off. That was the priority. Yeah, a few of us bought it, but not everyone had the opportunity to run for cover & there was a pretty powerful laser cannon swinging our way...I like to think we were able to soften up at least the lateral controls. My buds in orbit said it wasn't maneuvering all that well and they barely escaped.

 

Now I wasn't on the Death Star when all that hullaballoo went on (though I was earlier), but I talked to another of my buds who was, and he said that Vader had issued orders that those prisoners were not to be killed and to let them get away. So all that running around escaping bit you hear about? Well let me tell you they were only supposed to keep up enough fire to keep them running, not to kill them. At any cost. And the ship escaping? Same thing, he was in the docking bay (what a coincidence - both of us doing the same thing) and he told me that they were told just to aim to miss, e.g. let them get away. Why? Vader's idea. Dumb move if you ask me. So us guys in white did an outstanding job when you understand what was going on.

 

And the TIE pilots? Again, they kicked some major butt. Only two rebel ships plus that frieghter got away - the rest destroyed in ship to ship combat. Yeah, our TIE guys don't get nearly enough credit as they deserve.

 

Endor? Jeesh, I never hear the end of it. Listen, those guys were all ROADs (retired on active duty) and guys out of basic. Apparently the higher ups thought Endor duty was pretty low risk what with all the other hardware around, and it was just after holiday. Most of them were pretty toasted. And my cousin who's in intelligence and watched some of the classified security tapes told me that they were very much outnumbered, more so than the general public was led to believe. As if a small band or so locals could defeat troopers. As if. There were a lot more of those little fur coats around and a lot of them bought it before our troops were overwhelmed. Dirty little secret the rebels didn't want to reveal - made them look much tougher than they really were.

 

OK long story short. We've gotten a lot of flack and some writers and what not have tried to lump us in with the sorry suckers of other military forces, but the reality of the situation is that we're the elite, and don't go down as easily as we're made out to be.

 

TK/TD-8020

[NoVATie[Admin]]

Interesting read.

[Guest jedislayer5000]

i dont know about that explanation... i mean if i was an imperial stormtrooper and saw a rebel gunning down my comrades and trying to escape capture for the purpose of bringing down the empire, i would have absolutely no problem in pulling the trigger point blank to his head lol

[whiteandnerdy]

Hmm, I think I might like TK/TD-8020's explanation better. It makes stormtroopers sound waaaay cooler than "they're just dudes, you know?"

[tigger68[501st]]

I think TK/TD 8020 has the right explanation. I'm still new to the whole thing, and wasn't there, but I've heard rumors and people will debate this until the nerfs come home, but in the end we know who REALLY has the best marksmanship.

 

However, I wonder how much the success on the Tantive IV was due to the fact that the rebel scum were wearing dark uniforms against a light background, and our TKs were wearing white against a light background. Have to run some analysis on that and get back to you.

[Daetrin[Admin]]

i dont know about that explanation... i mean if i was an imperial stormtrooper and saw a rebel gunning down my comrades and trying to escape capture for the purpose of bringing down the empire, i would have absolutely no problem in pulling the trigger point blank to his head lol

 

Ah, but you are a normal person. Remember that stormtroopers are trained to jump to the breach regardless, just like their clone forebears did on Geonosis.

 

One more tidbit: I was reading The Making of Empire Strikes Back and apparently one of the scenes they had planned to film but did not have time to was the snowtroopers blasting at the Falcon and taking out it's hyperdrive. Pretty good shooting on a moving target I'd think...

[Defiance7x13[TK]]

All I have to say is....

 

 

problem solved. Who says we cant shoot?

[NAZGÛL]

Id like to ad that rebels aim to kill more in the film. When troopers try to take the enemy alive. Leia at Tantive, Han and Leia at Endor bunker, Besbin (and now Ill add DS 1 after reading this thread).

 

The rebs gun down imps every chance they got, bloodthirsty terrorists!

 

 

The explanation that the troopers had orders not to kill at DS 1 makes perfect sense!

Edited November 17, 2010 by NAZGÛL

[riveting]

Id like to ad that rebels aim to kill more in the film. When troopers try to take the enemy alive. Leia at Tantive, Han and Leia at Endor bunker, Besbin (and now Ill add DS 1 after reading this thread).

 

The rebs gun down imps every chance they got, bloodthirsty terrorists!

 

Yep brings to mind Han shooting Greedo first in the cantina scene & she was a woman to boot

 

filthy rebels'es <_<

[Topgun[TK]]

That and the sights on these new E-11's are off 5ft. to the left... Ideots on Endor must have not got the memo...

[ctankep]

Frekkin terrorists! Remember our fallen. Death Star I, never forgive! never forget!

 

Also, good article.